Setting the context for the development of billie.

From Madam Alice:

I’m working from Home for the next 2 days so I thought I would take a little time out to put a posting together.

over the last month or so we’ve had a few messages asking about what my intention is for billie when he decides to retire, for some it is clear that there is an interest and for a few there is clearly alarm at my sinister plan to feminise my little sissy husband!

Firstly Don’t Panic!!

the plans that I have for billie are not drastic and I’m not planning anything nasty or any body modifications – other than perhaps some intimate piercings.

So what’s the plan?  I think that I may just have to set some context so that this can make sense.  the important part of this and always will be the bottom line is that I love and I am very much in love with my husband Mick and is submissive alter ego billie.  This is not changing.

Mick spent a large part of the 80’s and the 90’s carving out his career, building a reputation for running and manging larger and larger projects.  The nature of these became more pressurised on him and also I have to confess the pressure at home drove him to work hard to bring about a better and more secure future for us.  While I was working and my career was starting to rise I had to put things on hold while we looked after our 2 nieces while my sister was being treated for cancer, and while this was on Mick was actually providing the financial support to 2 parts of the family.

it was only after my sister came out of remission and was back to full health that I returned to work and I started to have more time with Mick.  I was starting to rise in my career and enjoying getting back into the work and promotion, and to have 2 very competitive people in the home was starting to cause friction.

If I had been less focussed on getting my career back on the upward push I may have noticed that my husband wasn’t quite right.  He had taken on large projects in the UK, Europe and also out in the Middle East, I didn’t realise that he was working 16 hour days and his sleep pattern was that of only 2 hours the rest of the time in bed was with his brain still solving problems and planning the days, weeks and months ahead.

Financially he had secured our home and the home of my sister and her children, but unknown to me at the time all this had been done at significant cost to his health. So when we had our arguments and rows I didn’t realise that I was really hurting him.

And then one morning I found the person that I loved as a broken crying heap on the floor.  this man that had been the strong supporter and provider for not just me but also my family was crying and begging for my forgiveness for not being good enough.

Well that Man is my husband, and the only thing that he wasn’t good enough in was to recognise that we had taken him for granted, I had not realised what he was doing to himself and that he was doing it for us.

That day changed our lives and on how we approach things.  we spoke and talked for the whole day.  I started to understand what was driving him and why.  I poured out my heart to him as well and let him know my feelings.

Financially we were very secure, my sister had her health back and the girls had been loved and taken care of during a difficult period and were now in a stable home, in a large part down to the work and effort of my Mick, but at the cost of his health.

we went and got some advice and there were some really great and helpful people out there.  the bottom line was that we needed to step back and for a significant change in lifestyle and pace for Mick.

The change in pace took over a year to put in place which was probably a good thing as it allowed Mick to slowly come down from fast pace work life rather than a shock stop.  This allowed him to reduce his work load but also to keep his reputation in good order and made life easier to move to a more controlled and managed Consultancy style of working.

We worked to get Mick’s confidence back, not in the working world but in our relationship.  As ever Mick wanted to allow me to do what I wanted to do and pursue some of the challenges that I had put on hold while we looked after our nieces.  So Mick encouraged me to take the lead in the relationship and he would become the supporter of me.

one of the groups that provided help and support to us introduced us to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) or talking therapy and they pointed out that we were 2 Alpha type characters trying to compete with each other, and while their suggestion was that we both need to let go at times it was Mick that said he needed to let go the most.

We chatted again through things over weeks and while in the past we had been very adventurous sexually and had played a few Sub Dom games I had recognised that Mick did have a strong submissive side.  I discussed this and yes it was true and Mick confessed that he genuinely didn’t see himself as my equal, he had driven himself hard to provide for my and the family not because he felt he was the bread winner but because he felt obliged to prove to me how hard he could work for me.

This was a shock and a revelation, in the strange and almost perverse way his devotion to me had almost driven him to destruction.

This was a moment to pause.  This was a man that I loved and who without my knowledge had almost destroyed himself for me.  I now had a duty to ensure that he didn’t do it again.

We spoke again long and in detail about this and we felt that our relationship needed to change, our whole dynamic.  I needed to protect Mick, mostly from himself and his drive and to channel his devotion in a more positive and less harmful way.  so I set some ground rules, Mick add some that he felt would be appropriate to keep him in lane and at the time we didn’t realise that we were creating the solid basis for what anyone on the outside would consider a Female Lead Relationship (FLR)  only once I had done some reading did I realise that we had created a FLR.

Once this was started we began to rebuild.  The move and promotion at work provided the method to restart things.  I needed to take charge and Mick wanted to be stay in the defined relationship roles – Me at the head and him in support.  It was at this point I reached out and found Carol to helped to further develop our FLR and to teach me how to be the Lead in our relationship.  Carol didn’t create Madam Alice but she just allowed that part to be released and we haven’t looked back.

We created billie so that we could make a very defined difference in character for Mick, billie is where he is definitely submissive, where we remove the Alpha male and make sure that his submission is focused and channelled for his own good.  it removes pressure from Mick and provides an outlet for some of that frustration and stress that comes from some of Micks projects.  over time we have increased the role and function of billie and this has worked brilliantly for Mick.

so the plan is that with more time as billie then there is less stress on Mick.  this is progressive and consensual.  the old Mick is still there we see him occasionally and he’s still an aggressive bastard that wades in to fix projects, the difference is that once it’s fixed he wades out just as fast.  which is good and show s that Mick understands himself a lot better.

So the hope is that once Mick reaches 60 we can move him a lot more into being billie, there will be no hormones, no breast surgery, no sex changes – none!!  I have a husband and I love him as the loving submissive that he is and that he needs to be.  Billie will spend as much time as possible enfemme, we will get some good quality breast form for him, possibly a couple of pairs in different weights.  we’ll seriously consider removing all body hair from the eyebrows down.  we have discussed a tattoo – an ownership mark or statement above his caged penis.  I’d like to have his nipples and navel pierced and I threaten to have his tongue pierced as well (im not 100% sure on the tongue piercing yet but kerri has one and it certainly is “different”).

so we – and I do mean we – have plans for billie but they are for good reason, they aim to maintain our FLR and are for the good health and well being of my husband who I love very much.

Alice X