The headline is a bit of a misleader I’m afraid, I’ve been asked why I allow my wife and her lover to punish me and to keep me in chastity.
Did I have an affair – No, neither of us have been unfaithful, and I would argue that even in our FLR we are not and have not been unfaithful.
Did you hit your wife and this is the punishment? I can honestly say I have never raised my hand to my wife, raised my voice – Yes, but violence physical or implied – never!
Am I a complete wimp that I allow her to cow me into submission – No, this is a relationship and it may seem bizarre to some but it is a relationship of equals and of balance.
So lets look at things:
prior to starting this FLR many moons ago, we were in a very loving relationship, we were sexually active and adventurous in a vanilla way, a bit of role play, a bit of crossdressing, a bit of fetish and a bit of Sub/dom play. All good healthy stuff. But I was in a career that was good, rewarding but stressful – I was the Alpha dog in a very competitive pack
Madam was in a good job, she was being Mentored and developed by people who saw her real potential, as could I, She was learning to release the real potential and throw of the shackles of the stereotype and she was doing well. she was developing into the Business Alpha Female.
Our relationship has always been loving but as with couples we would row and with 2 Alpha that can be loud and verbally aggressive. With family issues we had to adjust life with us having to look after our 2 nieces for a couple of years while Alice’s sister went through Cancer treatment so Alice’s career was slowed to look after the girls and I took on bigger projects and roles to bring in more money to support a bigger household and to support my sister in law.
once things were sorted and family life went back to normal and the Girls went back to their Mum- after she got the thumbs up that the treatment was successful, Alice took a little bit of time to get back into her work but I was in the spiral of working in big projects and working long hours – with some of the projects being abroad. I finally realised that the work was just taking over my life and in turn our relationship.
I sat down with Alice the summer of 1998 and told her that I needed to get off the circuit and to down scale, I was running 3 projects at the time. Unfortunately I didn’t get off the circuit quick enough. 3 months later and my world imploded and Alice found a sobbing physical and mental wreck of her husband on the floor of the kitchen. It just was too much and I was trying too hard with things.
We went and got some help – I say we as this was very much a joint thing, there were work stresses, their was relationship issues and stress – anger, guilt, frustrations the works.
Some very good people helped me to understand what the issues were, I went through Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Alice also went through some sessions to improve her understanding of things and what had happened to cause my problems. It took a good 18 months to work through to the other side. I load shedded my work but under the guidance of those that knew better than me I didn’t completely stop as they felt that would have destroyed me, so 2 projects were handed over and one was delivered as completed – that took 9 months but it did the trick, I kept mentally active delivering it but in the bounds of my recovery and it helped with my self respect and kept my reputation.
The conversation was that I would slow my work life down by only doing consultancy work, based from home. No big projects, keep time for us as a couple, and that I would release some of my very tightly held controls to Alice and most of all release some of my tightly held emotions.
Relationship wise I made it clear in one of my CBT sessions, which Alice was present, the Nurse told me that I had to stop focussing on others and to make time for me, stop worrying about the projects, the people, the team but to think about me. allocate time for me – I told her I couldn’t do that, which took her back.
I explained to the Nurse that I was more than happy to change my focus in life but it wasn’t about me, it was about Alice. she was the thing that was important to me, she was who I loved and that the thing that bothered me the most was that I had scared the hell out of the most important person in my life. I would change my life and the way I worked but not for me but for the person that was important and the person was Alice.
When we got home we had a very good and indepth heart to heart. I explained that I felt that I needed to always support her, that at times I felt that I had let her down. I also explained that while I loved her with all my heart I always felt that I wasn’t her equal, if you will she was my Goddess. as strange as it may seem she was taken aback. I felt free having told her, during our relationship I was by nature her submissive but it seemed that those feeling had been suppressed by the work attitudes. I didn’t realise how toxic that had been and my confession was almost like a cleansing.
We talked long and we talked in real depth. we were both honest and frank, about work, about families, about our relationship and about our sex life. after several weeks of talking, discussions, confessions and explorations. we realised that our relationship had to change and develop. The idea of FLR appeared. Alice wanted to take the lead, I needed to be the follower but mores specifically be the supporter and to have the guidance to run my life in a way that would prevent the toxic nature from becoming the dominant factor.
And so it started – very slowly and over a period where I scaled back my work commitments and she developed as my partner, my Mistress and my guide.
at the same time Alice was a frustrated Alpha and she wanted to go back to work, to prove that she was as good as her boss at Leicester thought she was. The opportunity presented itself with a promotion into one of the other branches of her company at Milton Keynes. this came at a time that she was growing with confidence in our relationship and the two things complemented each other.
Alice had met Carol and was learning about FLR and how to be a Dominant, but in life and in the home.
Sexually the stress and the breakdown had destroyed my confidence but Alice had worked with me to get that back, but it worked best with me in the submissive role. I knew things were lacking but we compensated and took more time about things. I became more oral focussed for her and fore play was the big important part. Alice realise that I hadn’t lied when I said that she was my focus in life as she certainly realised that her sexual satisfaction was my prime focus when in bed.
So the FLR has been developing for 18-19 years now, it is well established and continues to develop, so lets answer the questions:
The Female Lead Relationship provides me the structure to my control and guides my life for the best of my mental and physical health. It isn’t a punishment it is a focus. If you want, the affair that I had was with my toxic work life, but now things are in balance.
The physical and mental damage was due to me over working and damaging myself, but the hurt that I caused to Alice was the emotional shock and hurt of finding me broken and in bits. it took time to convince her that none of the problems were due to her.
Am I a wimp – no I’m her submissive. I can hold my own, I can still put contractors and Project Managers in their box when I want to but I chose to be my wife’s submissive. I chose to support her in her career and to fully embrace the FLR that she wants and needs – and that I need.
My Chastity – yes it is frustrating but it allows me to be fully focused on my Mistress, on pleasing her and serving her. Not my needs but her’s.
And as for the “punishments”, they aren’t punishments they are just reminders and incentives to improve my performance or to correct my errors.
(the only thing that I view as a punishment is when I’m put in the dog cage in the attic or at Mistress Carols!!)
So pretty much I don’t have punishments, I have structure, guidance and focus, but most of all I have a Wife and a Mistress that I love and adore and who loves and looks after me (and that doesn’t sound like punishment to me!)
Kind regards
billie xxxxx
